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 Trail running, bike hucking, fast packing, beer drinking collector of pine cones on a day pass
AKA
Dances with Trees
Forest Gnome Cabin
Canada
13055 Posts |
Posted - 03/24/2006 : 12:55 PM
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CHAPTER TWO..........MY SON CLIFF or COUSIN GREENHORN
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Welllllllll....so how about that update on our favourite denizen of the North Shore Mountains ?
Has he been busy ? Yeah, and how !!!
 
The G-Man and Brad Pitt. They really do look alike- maybe he should try and get some from Angelina ?
In between his stints of mud wrestling women, working as Brad's stunt double , and cleaning out Mom's garage of Cliff Grachman's old hiking gear , " cousin" Greenhorn took up the torch, forging new routes to infinity and beyond !!!!
Soon we were biting our nails again, as GH made an assault on the West Lion. Unforgettable as always, the iconic traveller we now know as Don Morrison was either teaming up with Ronny Mac or pioneering a new training diet on this trek. We may never know for sure 
This isn't Harvey Creek, is it 
C'mon, Ronald, pick that up 
 
"That's right, I'm a ladies man. Yes, I am ! "
"Bye bye for now. Anyone know where the nearest outhouse is ?"
He vowed to return and conquer that fear of heights someday, yet there was something that had to be done first....
A return to that very special treewell on the Bishop Trail for his cousin's beloved Little Bear snowshoes, and a foray in the mist to the Bishop summit to leave a note and a Toonie.
  
"Gorilla in the Mist ?"
That coin was later found, and left, by this intrepid hiker below. As he has the elusive speed of the local mountain goats, this photo was hard to obtain. No sign of the mysterious note was ever discovered. Someone has to find it, we must know the rest of the story. What were the reasons behind Cliff's epic struggle with the mountain ? 
Soon enough, a return to the mighty West Lion came to pass, although with this clever disguise we could never be quite sure who this really was. Had Cliff somehow survived his stint as a Wal Mart greeter living in Mom's basement , or was this Don ? Another question unanswered......
Rotten in cotton 
 
Could this be Cliff Could these be cliffs
Maximum exposure would have to wait a while, and soon our hero was up to his old tricks, trekking through the fog with Mt Elsay as his goal. Complaining of a poorly marked trail, he resolved to eat plenty of chocolate bars and flag the trail "O' Henry " style.Still able, despite the confectioneries, to maintain his fetching form and boyish good looks ....
 
Though unsuccessful, we knew he'd be back, with or without Ronald McDonald, and Mt Elsay would still be waiting. His dream of running a hot dog cart on the Elsay Lake Trail still alive, if hanging by a thread....
 
There's so much more , readers, and tune in for your next installment of "Where's Waldo Kitty ?" (Soon coming to pay per view and network television
Copyright StrangeRange Productions, all rights, and lefts, reserved ) |
Edited by - mick range on 03/28/2006 3:44 PM |
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Simpson quoting tree hunter and canyon rapping rockhound who longs for the return of his trapped Toyota
Salt Lake City, UT
USA
2268 Posts |
Posted - 03/24/2006 : 1:06 PM
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It's all so much clearer now. He really is the Beowulf of Vancouver! |
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Fleece thong wearin, Buntzen Lurkin, mystic poet mountain man and international spokesman of the friends of the white squirrel society
Port Moody, B.C.
Canada
5908 Posts |
Posted - 03/24/2006 : 2:32 PM
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Never in the annals of Club Tread have the adventures of Greenhorn stirred the imagination of so many and the distain of only but a few.
Don has kept us on the edge of our seats with his harrowing tales of “man against the elements”!
With is Arch Nemesis Bishop gone to the lands up north we ask the question , Whatz next ?
Will Don ever find what he is looking for
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Trail running, bike hucking, fast packing, beer drinking collector of pine cones on a day pass
AKA
Dances with Trees
Forest Gnome Cabin
Canada
13055 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2006 : 08:18 AM
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CHAPTER THREE..........WOULD I RATHER BE AN OSCAR MAYER WEINER ???
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.....And so it was with steely determination, and a great pair of pants, Elsay was attained.  
"Huzzah, I have attained the summit"
 
"Now where am I going to put the hot dog cart ? I don't want it to be buried by an avalanche"
To prepare for the next challenge, GH entered a period of rigorous training, for the next target was Fannin Lake from Mt Seymour. In order to get the job done he'd need the help of a panel of so-called "experts "
The blade wielding Indiana Jones of Tread aka Aqua Terra
The legendary JD Forest Gnome Horn
This crazed climber, known as The Blackfly, who once lived in a canoe in Manitoba
Yours truly, the bridge fearing, Seymour lurking author who can finally identify Garibaldi.
Hey Simon, that's it on the far right, isn't it?
The new love of Marc's life
And, of course, the omniprescent Spraymeister
How do YOU spell conquer ?
In the interim, customer research was done regarding where to locate that hot dog cart . Though many good spots were found, Don wondered how he was going to get the clientele ? Oh well, if you build it, they will come ?
 
Potential hot dog lover, pictured at right, and below
The local bear population would certainly enjoy the occasional Bavarian smokie, but obtaining payment might be an issue
"Now, let's see.....I could put it right here. Who knows ? Maybe a few tables? Umbrellas ? Lions Winter Ale on tap. I'll have it made in the shade(e) "
To be continued, at a theatre near you |
Edited by - mick range on 03/28/2006 3:47 PM |
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Fleece thong wearin, Buntzen Lurkin, mystic poet mountain man and international spokesman of the friends of the white squirrel society
Port Moody, B.C.
Canada
5908 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2006 : 08:40 AM
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Laughed so hard I can't stop coughing !
Have to go find my Cold FX, too dam funny Mick. |
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ass wigglin, cheese lovin, 4x4 drivin, apostrophe hatin, hiking chick who loves camping on snow
spaceship..
Canada
7209 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2006 : 09:15 AM
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ROFL - that is funny Mick
when's the opening ceremonies? Im looking forward to some Lion's winter ale in the shade(e)
suff'rin a slight case of withdrawal, with this 'spring' stuff happening all over!
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Satirical photoshop junkie who frolics in the mountains of the Chilliwack River Valley
Chilliwack, BC
Canada
6908 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2006 : 12:26 PM
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| Hehe too funny Mick! |
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Manitoba's misadventurin' bushwhackin', dog sloggin', dehydratin', beer drinkin' biggie - who's eager to peak bag Mt Currie in a dress
Squamish
5048 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2006 : 12:44 PM
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| Lol! Nice one |
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Trail running, bike hucking, fast packing, beer drinking collector of pine cones on a day pass
AKA
Dances with Trees
Forest Gnome Cabin
Canada
13055 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2006 : 6:36 PM
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CHAPTER FOUR.....MY KINGDOM FOR A BELT !
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As our saga continues,( *hopefully without stunning grammatical ineptitude ) our worthy protagonist soldiers on, finding new challenges around every corner 
Mt Seymour was once again the location, as Greenie broke out the heavy artillery. Clearly, we could deduce...........
he now had a copy of "Freedom of the Hills"
A sturdy roll of yellow poly rope would become his new best friend, now if only those reef knots would not come undone 
The rugged southeast face of First Pump...errrr Peak
That's a lotta rope, mate
Well, I have to tell you, I know very little about climbing compared to a lot of you guys.....
But I do know my pants will sometimes fall down without a belt
But not to worry, our modern day Tom Fyles has more than one belt. What was I thinking ?
He also has his own personal rope gun with holster
That's still a lotta rope, mate
Just what was happening then, we didn't know, as it took a while before the next chapter revealed itself. Hard as it was to believe, he planned a bold solo ascent of K2. I don't know if he succeeded, but I do know he was hoping Pizza Hut could deliver to Camp Four
I also know that my lovely wife knitted him this wonderful handmade toque...
"I won't be needing any oxygen, Tenzing, but you got any "O' Henry" bars ? A case or two ?"
Would he return triumphant ? Would he survive the bitter cold ? Would Dominoes deliver, if Pizza Hut could not ?
You'll have to wait for the next episode, because as we say here at Cliff's Cousin Productions "We'll sell you the whole seat, but you'll only use the edge !!"
* Thank you , Garnet ( NorthernAlberta ) |
Edited by - mick range on 03/28/2006 11:25 PM |
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Terminator shade wearing, summit questing, double Grinding, Gordo voting self annointed 'dumb ass' and Aconcagua Bagga who dreams of Robson, Teton, The Judge, and.....and....
Port Moody, B.C
Canada
2210 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 07:25 AM
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That's gota be the funniest CT moment ever. Even funnier were the climbers that took the bait. |
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 adventure seeking, peak-bagging, high-enduring, strong and silent forest gnome
N49°09', W122°47'
Canada
3819 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 07:49 AM
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LMAO - that's funny stuff, Mick
Never a dull moment, eh? |
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Fleece thong wearin, Buntzen Lurkin, mystic poet mountain man and international spokesman of the friends of the white squirrel society
Port Moody, B.C.
Canada
5908 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 08:05 AM
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There have been reports of someone messing around with a cyclotron in Pemberton/ Squamish area ! Word has it that they are trying to develop a new energy source for bear bangers.
I sent my team up there to investigate. I was told by the Canadian Government to keep this hush, hush until now.
It seems when Don fired up the machine he inadvertently created a small "Black Hole"!
While they were talking to he was trying to shut it down. The following shot shows his buddies dog getting sucked into it.
You can tell by the look on Don's face things are turning out wrong.
My team left post haste and took this shot from the street.
No one has seen Don since.
Along with Mick my team will keep looking and we hope, with all our hearts, he didn’t end up in an alternate universe.
Back to you Mick |
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Trail running, bike hucking, fast packing, beer drinking collector of pine cones on a day pass
AKA
Dances with Trees
Forest Gnome Cabin
Canada
13055 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 4:00 PM
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CHAPTER FIVE......DESPERATELY SEEKING GREENIE
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So, had Don fallen victim to a "black hole" ? Certainly the evidence was compelling....
"God speed, little doggie "
The dangerous beyond
Even more sobering was the fact that The Hiker and his crack staff of covert operatives had gathered the information
 
Special Investigation Team ( SIT)
Yet somehow, I refused to believe he was lost to us forever. So what did I do ? What I always do- jump on my bike and ride to the mountains, and, once there, start running and trekking.
Day and night !
"I will find him", I thought. "I will, I will !!"
In my travels far and wide, I ran into plenty of Treaders, enjoying their weekends....
I showed them all this picture, hoping they would know something that would help
What are the odds of finding such an attractive girl in a cave in the middle of nowhere ?
No Don, though..
This cairn building giant hadn't seen him either, but he HAD seen a bear in his tent
This guy seemed to know something, and I know what you're thinking, but I don't speak squirrel
Possibly this fella had had a couple of beers, I wasn't sure, but he was compellingly funny, until he threw a bear banger at me
 
Why do guys waste their time looking for girls in nightclubs ? Just go for a run in the woods
This guy calls himself Chilliwack Jack. He can speak to deer, you know...
Not even the intrepid Claire, who looks nothing like a bear, could tell me where he was. I was beginning to wonder....
This hat on a stick was all that was left of this hiker
But, finally, a break in the case, as this Chilliwack couple informed me he had been sighted in the Williams Peak area, which I managed later to confirm
At long last, he'd resurfaced again, a little out of his element, but none the worse for wear
Now I knew why he had so much rope
And a fine new jacket too
Unconfirmed reports also placed this man in the vicinity.
What had become of Ronny Mac ? And what of Fannin Lake ? The hot dog cart ?
Too many cany...errr questions, I was finally exhausted, and headed home for some cold beers, and some more time to think (loosely defined, of course, in my case )
Until next time, amigos ......
And don't forget, every time you use the it counts for Seagull |
Edited by - mick range on 03/28/2006 11:28 PM |
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Fungi Filmin', Wine Drinkin', 'Shroom Eatin', Early Risin', Deer Whisperin', Curry Cookin', Macro Maniac
Chilliwack + Osoyoos
3618 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 4:28 PM
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Give Mick an(other) award, somebody...
Too Much...
C'Jack...
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...hang on, I'm coming... |
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Mountain Grammar Police
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Sardonic sandbagging scoundrel, Cascade Climbers lobotomized spraymeister, space blanket flyer, new millennium vulgarian betaboy and friend to all squids
Climbing, a mountain
Canada
∞ Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 4:30 PM
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| Give GREENHORN an award!! |
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Fungi Filmin', Wine Drinkin', 'Shroom Eatin', Early Risin', Deer Whisperin', Curry Cookin', Macro Maniac
Chilliwack + Osoyoos
3618 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 4:43 PM
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| Sorry... I meant to add him to the list too... |
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Trail running, bike hucking, fast packing, beer drinking collector of pine cones on a day pass
AKA
Dances with Trees
Forest Gnome Cabin
Canada
13055 Posts |
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Manitoba's misadventurin' bushwhackin', dog sloggin', dehydratin', beer drinkin' biggie - who's eager to peak bag Mt Currie in a dress
Squamish
5048 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 4:57 PM
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| classic Range-isms |
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Trail running, bike hucking, fast packing, beer drinking collector of pine cones on a day pass
AKA
Dances with Trees
Forest Gnome Cabin
Canada
13055 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 11:27 PM
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CHAPTER SIX.......BRAVEHEART
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Next came the crown jewel in the story, as Don completed a marathon 18 hour trek to Fannin Lake and back from the Mt Seymour parking lot. It was his second shot at the lake, as he'd reconned the route from the Bishop Trail just five days earlier. Descriptions, of course, were classically sandbagged, but as someone who knows this country well, I have to tell you he was NAILS on this one, having to stagger home in the darkness
William Wallace would have been proud
 
Rarified views of Mt Bishop, as seen from the Indian Arm Trail
 
Fannin Lake, and Cathedral Mountain...
No, this trek had not been about the hotdog cart, belt belays, or homemade crampons. It was, in fact, another triumph of the spirit, in unique style
For that reason this chapter stands alone, and proud. Proof, at least, that I can be serious on occasion, if nothing else. Respect must be shown to a fellow warrior. Could fallen Cliff have done it too ? I think so.....
"Getting up at 4 am is barbaric", said GH
I have to agree heartily with that |
Edited by - mick range on 04/05/2006 07:58 AM |
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Trail running, bike hucking, fast packing, beer drinking collector of pine cones on a day pass
AKA
Dances with Trees
Forest Gnome Cabin
Canada
13055 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2006 : 3:12 PM
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CHAPTER SEVEN........ THE MAKEUP TEST
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You know, the story is still far from unfinished, so where to now ?
GH descended into another interlude of quiet, eventually emerging on Mt Seymour again ready for battle. There were still demons to conquer...
Perhaps the plan was to blend in with the environment, and sneak up on the summits "Commando style". "They'll never know what hit 'em !! "
As time pressed on that day, he became mired in thought, not to mention a lot more makeup
 
It was quite probable that now the hot dog cart would have to wait, because there were more peaks out there waiting to fall, but he had to be wondering "Where can I find someone special who likes makeup ?"
And then......just by coincidence, there came to Tread just such a girl, the perfect complement to Don's understated style and bravado....
Wow!
She took us all by storm, bringing good cheer, just the right touch of lunacy, and a really big makeup kit
   
On behalf of us all, thanks for the fun, Annie, and on behalf of the Greenhorn, thanks for distracting everyone so he could fly under the radar, as soon he'd be after the West Lion once again....
 
The Spraymeister was duly impressed with GH's Strata Gold hat, proclaiming it a real find
In the weeks that followed our hero met some more CTers
This hosehead was absolutely no help at all
"Trees, trees, trees, " was all this fellow would say. Wait, I know who that is...
This guy didn't believe in maps
Somewhat disoriented, this hiker would only repeat the words "Grilled Cheese" and "Sunglasses" over and over again......
Soon Cliff's cousin was to immerse himself in new projects, and pioneer new methods in avalanche training and preparedness. But first, a trip to the vending machine, where an "O' Henry" bar had his name on it
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Edited by - mick range on 04/05/2006 08:01 AM |
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Where's Waldo Kitty?Extra!Extra!Read all about it!
